Going back to work when you’re a lone parent may seem like tall order, but single working mum Tara Nathanson, 32, says you can do it – and you’ll enjoy it!
If you’re a lone parent who is thinking of returning to work, few of you will do it without tearing your hair out – but don’t let that put you off! The government says 56% of single parents are now working. With an increase of 11% since 1997, that’s a record number – and there must be good reason for it. Could it be that it’s not so impossible to do?
I became a single mum in April 2005, two weeks after my son Oscar came into the world. It was the best of times and the worst of times. Although I was devastated at the end of my relationship, I also fell slowly but steadily in love with my baby.
So when I returned to my career as a freelance journalist when Oscar was just three months old, no one was more surprised than me. But it was not a decision I took lightly. I wanted to go back to work for several reasons, and admittedly all of them were selfish. I loved being a new mum, but felt stripped of my identity, and having been unceremoniously dumped by my partner of six years my self-worth had taken a battering. I knew going back to work would make me feel like me again and would return some of my confidence and sparkle. I also feared that the longer I stayed away from the office, the less I’d want to be there and the less employable I’d become. And finally, even though it was way too soon to be thinking about new relationships, I dreaded meeting potential suitors and not having anything else to talk about than my son’s nappy contents or his latest cute thing.
But though I knew rejoining the workforce was definitely right for me, I did not feel comfortable about it. Firstly, I was naturally concerned about the effect my absence might have on Oscar, especially as he was so young and I am pretty much his sole carer. And I had my doubts about whether I could cope with the difficult juggling act of balancing work and parenthood. After all, it’s hard enough when you have a supportive partner by your side. I also worried I’d miss out on Oscar’s growing up and all those important milestones. For all those reasons I decided to look for part-time work, and to consider full-time employment when Oscar reaches his first birthday.
Then there was the problem of breastfeeding.
Until that point Oscar was fully breastfed, apart from a bottle a day which I had introduced when he was about two months for my own sanity (the odd evening out is a must, especially when you’re a lone parent!).
But I knew when I went back to work Oscar would be hitting the bottle for the majority of the time. I felt sad because I’d found breastfeeding so bonding, so I consoled myself with the thought that at least Oscar wouldn’t be one of those children who clung to his mum’s chest when he was four!
My biggest problem, however, concerned childcare. The decision over who will look after your child while you are at work is one of the hardest any parent – single or otherwise – will make. It’s literally looking for your daytime replacement - and who can possibly fill those shoes and be affordable? But if you do your homework it can work out, as I discovered. With cost being a major factor, I decided a nanny was a no-no. As trained professionals they give a good standard of care, but with an average wage of £220 per week – and you have to pay their tax and national insurance on top of that – it was way out of my league. Plus, I’d seen the film ‘The Hand That Rocks The Cradle’ – scary stuff! As for day nurseries, I’d heard all about their spiralling costs – and if parents are even five minutes late picking their child up, they can be charged £15!
I wished one of my employers had a crèche at the office, or that my parents didn’t work and would be ready and willing to provide free childcare. As neither was the case, a childminder was my only option. Luckily,
I knew through the new-mum grapevine that the place to find one was on the Sure Start Childcare Link website (www.childcarelink.gov.uk).
On the local pages, along with a list of childminders, you can find crèches, day nurseries, nursery classes, out-of-school clubs, pre-school playgroups and toddler groups – all in your area and all OFSTED inspected. I cannot recommend this site highly enough. That said, it took some 30 phone calls to find a (less than reliable) childminder, who shall remain nameless.
I went to her home to inspect it and grill her, but I was hardly impressed – a lot of the toys were in bad condition, she didn’t seem that committed to her career and, worse still, she didn’t have much of a rapport with Oscar. But despite my gut instinct I gave her a chance – after all, her home was only a ten-minute walk from mine in Camden, North London; she didn’t look after any other children so she could give Oscar plenty of attention; and with only a couple of weeks before I started back at work what choice did I have? Plus, she was willing to work around my peculiar part-time job, for which I work for the first and last week of every month. I should have listened to those loud alarm bells, because four days before I was due to be at my desk I got a phone call. The childminder was receiving housing benefit and didn’t realise it would be cut when she started working again!
So it was back to square one. Through sheer panic – and another 20 phone calls – I found a replacement in two days. I had full confidence in experienced childminder and mother-of-four Annette Gibson – plus, Oscar liked her and, rather conveniently, she said she’d pick him up and drop him off. The only drawbacks were she wasn’t keen to work my daft days and I wasn’t that keen to pay her pricey £54 day rate. Fortunately, after a couple of weeks, Annette found childminder number three for me.
COMPLETE ARTICLE WILL APPEAR IN LAUNCH ISSUE. - Due out in April
Article Courtesy of One UP. Click here to visit the site
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